Ok. So this has been on my mind for a while now, but after seeing and hearing some of what several of my female friends have gone through, and are going through, as well as a song that I heard recently that I could really relate to myself, I felt compelled to put my personal opinion out there. If it reaches or touches one person, then it is worth it to me. And yes, some of this will be scattered with my own first hand thoughts and experiences.
Several women that I know have had, or are having, problems with relationships with guys that either use, abuse, cheat on, or are jerks in general to them on a somewhat regular basis. Sometimes it is the same guy over and over. Sometimes it is different guys in a clear pattern of a “type” they claim to attract. I hear about this very often and sometimes see it first hand. It is actually heartbreaking because i care deeply for these women and hate to see them hurting so much. They are all strong, intelligent, beautiful, and caring women. They are the type of women that any real man would love to have in their life and treat her like the special women that they are. Yet, they are constantly treated like crap and complain about guys being jerks, disrespectful, dogs, assholes, etc. Saying they have no luck in finding the right guy who would treat them like they should be. Matters are not helped at all with unsolicited guys blowing up their feeds or phone wanting to hook up, sending nude pics, wanting nude pics, etc. That behavior is ridiculous and uncalled for. Yes, I am a guy who also finds that kind of unsolicited thing offensive and rude. To attract a woman, you must first act like a man, not a middle school boy just hitting puberty. Anyway, I digress.
Let me lay this out there for the ladies to think about. Most of you look all over app, after app, after app trying to find the right guy. Sometimes you do meet people out and about, yes. However, in today’s society, online “dating” is all around us and seems easier due to our demanding schedules.. There is one major flaw I see in the online options, especially the apps we use. Those are heavily based upon looks and outside appearances, not who people really are. Even if there is a space for a bio or an about you section, those areas are usually heavily limited in space that you can have to say what you need to say. So, we are becoming more fixated on someone’s appearance. If they aren’t hot, a certain height, or have some other physical attribute, we swipe no and keep moving. Sometimes it is materialistic things you look at. What kind of car he has. What are his living arrangements are. Does he have a house, apartment, or does he live some other way. All of those things are superficial and will get you nowhere in most cases if that is what you are focusing on. That is not learning about WHO he is or what type of man he is. Are some of these things important? Yes, to an extent. Physical attraction is part of the equation, but should not be the entire formula.
So, I say this ladies. I’m fairly certain that most of you have several guys in your life that are friends, or have been friend zoned by you, based on one or more of the previously stated restrictions you have put into place. In those groups, I am almost certain that most of you have exactly what you are looking for in a man and how he should treat you right under your noses. There are guys I’m sure in those areas of your life that care for you, support you, listen to you, etc. like no other man can. Not because of how you look, what you have, or what you may be able to do for them, but because they like you for YOU and who you really are. That you that could be no make up, bad hair day, bumming it out in sweats(or whatever), or just being you. They probably know more about you anyway because with the “friend” label” you feel more free to just be yourself around them, talk to, or confide in them. I bet you that they know these things because they actually listen to you when you talk. I can almost guarantee that there is at least one guy that is everything that you have wanted in one of these areas, but they are never given the opportunity to show you that side of themselves based on whatever excuse that you have labeled him with. So, you go about your life complaining about this guy or that guy while everything you want is right under your nose. Chances are he listens to all of this, but in the back of his mind, he is telling himself that he could treat you so much better. To treat you like you should be treated.
So, take time and evaluate those areas a little closer. Given an honest chance to prove themselves and show you who they are and how they can treat you, you may just see someone in a different light that you would have never seen them in. Sometimes the greatest things and people in our lives come out of the blue or unexpected places at unexpected times. Your “Mr. Right” could be right under your nose right now, or he could pop into your life at any moment. Don’t be so quick to label or assign someone as “friend zone” material. It could be the biggest mistake of your life.
P.S.- The song I mentioned earlier is “New Light” by John Mayer in case you were curious.